As we approach the end of the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, we wanted to leave you with some important points that were made during our Home Sweet Home webinar with speakers, Yasmin Mogahed and Lisa Vogl.
There are many verses and hadiths commanding us to enjoin good and forbid evil. Yasmin reminds us that as Muslims, we are responsible to help the oppressed and that standing idly is wrong.
The Prophet SAW said:
“Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one. People asked, “O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)! It is all right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?” The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “By preventing him from oppressing others.”
(Sahih)
“When we are passive about abuse, we enable it”
-Yasmin Mogahed
Signs and advice for those who think someone is facing abuse:
- Deteriorating mental health due to a toxic home environment
- Isolation (abusers like to isolate victims as a form of control)
- It’s okay to ask and check-in, as most victims of abuse won’t say anything
- Don’t approach the abuser, reach out to the victim, and don’t stop
Islam has given us instructions on everything, including how to overcome different hardships we may face. While culture and society have deemed certain actions unacceptable by women who face abuse, it’s important to take a step back and remember that Islam has given everyone rights and responsibilities that we must abide by.
“Keeping the ties of kinship includes self-preservation. We will not be asked to put ourselves in harm.”
-Yasmin Mogahed
Advice for those facing abuse:
Deciding to leave is not easy, in fact, Lisa Vogl tells us that it is the most difficult step to take. However, once you do, you will forever be grateful. Many have the misconception that staying in a toxic environment is better for the children involved. But the truth is it’s not.
“Our idea of broken family needs to be fixed because staying in an abusive space is a broken family.”
-Yasmin Mogahed
Statistically, sons who have witnessed their mothers being abused will grow to be abusers themselves, and children will tend to blame mothers for never leaving an abusive relationship. “Safety and wellbeing are more sacred than keeping the “family structure” when it’s toxic,” Yasmin Mogahed said.
“You leave for your kids, not stay for your kids”
-Lisa Vogl
Ways to make home a safe space:
- Understanding the ideal benchmark/standard of a healthy family that Allah SWT and his messenger have given us
- Teach boys to love themselves, and have self-worth so that they don’t feel like they need to exert power to show control
- Create a safe-space emotionally for children
- Respect goes both ways for children and adults
- Set an example for your daughter, an example of self-respect and self-worth
- Don’t make love conditional for children, and don’t make social comparisons as the standard for success
Yasmin and Lisa remind us that there is a necessity in taking action; after all, the Prophet Musa (pbuh) was commanded to place his staff in the sea before Allah split it. Make dua for Allah to aid you, but realize that you have to take that first step.
For those who are facing abuse, we pray that Allah makes it easy for you to leave.
To apply for assistance, click here.
To help women facing abuse, click here.
To watch the webinar, click here.
